End of year bonus time at Milton Friedman Memorial High

Act’s David Seymour is suffering from a one sided obsession with teacher unions.

Act's campaign launch on Saturday, their new radio ad, and another press release today, continue Seymour's monomaniacal mission to "take out" the PPTA and NZEI.

To let David know that we care about him too, here’s a scenario written specifically for him.

Congratulations David, you’ve just finished your first year as principal at Milton Friedman Memorial High, and it’s time to re-negotiate the individual employment agreements for your teachers.  You’ve got half a million dollars to spend however you want, and you have seven teachers.

Who do you give the most money to?

  1. Annie. She’s a physics teacher, and they’re as rare as hen’s teeth. You don’t want to lose her to another school, where she’d easily get a job. But she argues with you a lot, and doesn’t take after school sport.
  2. Whetu. He’s a brand new PE teacher, and we all know there are heaps of them out there. He’s really well liked by the kids, and has turned around some students who were totally disengaged with school. He’s going to be a great teacher, though he’s still got a bit to learn about assessment.
  3. Natalie. She’s the literacy expert at school and helps all the teachers with making sure students can access language. She always takes the toughest classes, so her results don’t look great because many of the kids come in way below the curriculum level they should be at.
  4. Maia. A top scholar with a PhD in music composition, Maia writes musicals for the school and leads the prize winning choirs. Her classes are often a bit disorganised as she’s more focused on the extra-curricular music she leads.
  5. George. He’s been at the school for 27 years and does timetabling and arranges the relief. He’s teaching maths, and analyses the data for the department’s reports.
  6. Richie. A difficult character who stirs things up with the other teachers, but he’s the coach of the schools’ top performing rowing squad which attracts a bunch of sponsorship and good publicity to the school.
  7. Paula. Her classes get the best results, pushing the school’s averages well above those of local schools. Students are a bit scared of her, and she doesn’t have any time to help her colleagues, but she really performs.

Perhaps what you can do David is make a performance metric that you’ll measure each of them against, that will capture their contributions to the school? If you do that it will probably spit out Paula or George. But you really need to keep Richie and Annie at the school or you’ll lose a whole lot of students.

Or maybe you can just trust your instinct and go with the one you like the most;  that will be Whetu. Though that’s going to be risky as the more experienced teachers won’t like that at all.

Or maybe you go with the ones that the school needs to keep the most? That’s Annie and Richie. But how will that look for the teachers who put in heaps more effort with extra-curricular stuff?

So how about this for a suggestion. You come up with a way that each of them can be recognised for the qualifications and experience they bring, and then pick up some extra payments if they have something more to contribute. It will be fair and open so they can all see what each other’s getting , which is important for closing the gender pay gap, which I know you care about. If any of your teachers are way below par, instead of paying them less, you can get rid of them; giving them a chance to improve and if they don’t, letting them go.

Oh dear, hold on. That’s a collective agreement.

Last modified on Wednesday, 6 September 2017 14:15